The Hurt Game comes to Benidorm

Sweat glisten under the floodlights

For most of the Brits present, this was the first time they had stepped foot inside a bullring, but oh what a bullring. Steeped in history, looking slightly scruffy, and decorated by the National colours of red and yellow, the perfect circle of its whitewashed stone steps was interrupted only by four mature spruce trees. Madison Square Gardens it isn’t but the Plaza de Toros in Benidorm was the venue for an evening of International boxing featuring one or two local favourites. On this occasion the viewing public could expect to see six somewhat fairer contests.

Double world champion Joe Calzaghe, looking unfeasibly handsome, was the guest of honour for the evening, greeted like an old mate by complete strangers, he patiently posed for photographs and signed autographs for his lengthening queue of admirers, just as well actually, because in traditional Spanish style proceedings began about ninety minutes late.

Lisbon bouncer Avalindo Vira

With the opening bouts out of the way, two uneventful five round affairs, featuring what looked like fourteen year olds, into the ring stepped 32 year old Briton Robert Lyndon from Daya Nueva for only his second fight. His opponent, a suspiciously tubby Avalindo Vira from Portugal, would have been better suited to the stage of Benidorm Palace just down the road, his efforts were more suited to a pantomime than any serious attempt at sport. After five lacklustre rounds, Lyndon emerged victorious with an easy points win. Somehow he managed to stay upright for the final three minutes despite being caught flush in the plums by a booming left hand, a punch which probably started the journey to his knackers from somewhere near La Villajoyosa, fifteen kilometres down the road. Thinking about it, Vira’s training regime is probably limited to a bit of sparring with aspiring locals outside a Lisbon nightclub at 3am on a Friday and Saturday where he minds the door.

Next up, “La Sensacion” local Spaniard Kiko Martinez, thirty seconds later, with his opponents record now reading 7 fights – 7 losses, the Alicante man went for a wander amongst his adoring public without even bothering to shower and change. I’d hardly describe his gold tasselled shorts as sensational but wouldn’t recommend saying so to his face.

The best fight of a highly entertaining evening was between Sento Martinez and Armando Candel; two Costa Blanca based Spaniards who clearly don’t see eye to eye. This old fashioned tear up was fantastic and worth the admission money by itself. Toe to toe, the action was relentless, each lighting fast hammer blow sending sprays of sweat, glistening under the powerful lights, four rows back from ringside. Scheduled to last eight rounds, the contest ended controversially with a badly cut Candel unable to continue. Everywhere else in the boxing world, the retiree is declared loser on a Technical Knockout, under Valencian regulations however, the fighter ahead on points at the time of the stoppage is declared the winner, in this case Candel. Bit of a shame that because judging by the insults hurled between the two corners afterwards, both men seemed very eager to continue.

Two adult returns to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch please

With ample time on the journey home to reflect on what I’d just witnessed, my thoughts were dominated by how unfair it is that one man, Calzaghe, can be so good looking, wealthy and hard. Quite possibly the toughest thing to come out of Wales since the language!!!