"It's CHRISTMAS" ......said Noddy Holder

Quality. Street.

What better month is there than December to write about all things Crimbo, both Spanish and English? Obviously, and in keeping with British stores and television, had this blog been published in the UK, a Christmas article would first have appeared in about September, probably just before the first tin of Quality Street hit Sainsbury’s shelves. It is quite remarkable how differently two countries, just a two and a bit hour flight apart, celebrate one of the biggest Christian holiday seasons of the year. I’ve lived in Spain for getting on for six years now and feel reasonably well qualified to pass comment on both, so here’s the low down, or my interpretation of it.

Just as with much of Spanish life, Christmas on the Costa Blanca seems to occur with no undue haste; shopkeepers eventually cotton on something important is just around the corner and, in the languid way of things in this part of the world, eventually knock up window displays, attractive lights and understated Christmas trees. By contrast, the celebration of JC’s birthday in the UK seems to be money, money, money with stores, both chains and privateers, treating much of the last third of the year as a cash making opportunity, the religious context largely forgotten.  In this regard then, how refreshing is Spain compared to the money grubbing British example, a cool draft of fresh air perhaps?

FA Cup Final day 1978

Whether you like it or not, the fabled twelve days of Christmas almost always ends up being something nearer the twelve weeks of Christmas on the Stansted side of the North Sea. Wherever you live, and speaking generally, the festive fun doesn’t tend to start in earnest until about ten days or so before the big day. At this point in time English television begins to screen one-off specials and repeats you may not have already seen. Spanish TV remains unchanged from the previous eleven and a bit months. A tad crap actually!!  Once a year though, Spain screens an event that appears to completely transfix the nation, just like FA Cup Final day used to back in the day.

December the 22nd, massive in Spain

The event occurs on December the 22^nd, is broadcast live and once finished three odd hours later, will have made quite a few Spanish families very happy and considerably wealthier. Known hereabouts as “El Gordo” (The Fat One), it’s the biggest lottery draw in the world and is eagerly awaited by everyone. In addition to being the most mind numbingly boring TV you’ll ever see, it is notable too for the fact the winning numbers are sung, religious hymn style, rather than announced. This honour falls to choirs of children from the San Ildefonso primary school in Madrid, itself once a former orphanage. At least the little ones are a big improvement on Dale Winton I suppose.

Look closely, he's there

The nativity features prominently too; proud British parents crane their necks to catch the briefest glimpse of little Johnny or Jane in the school play or slightly out of tune carol concert. The streets of Spain go one better in the meantime with realistic, outdoor models of Bethlehem and the nativity scene, some of which are enormous, on display in town squares for all to walk past and enjoy. Look closely at a typical “Belén” (The Spanish name for Bethlehem), and you might catch sight of an added extra you definitely won’t see in the school production. Many Belén models also feature a little bloke defecating; that’s right, taking a poo!!  Apparently, many residents of the Valencia and Cataluña regions kick up a bit of a stink, pardon the pun, when the “Caganer” isn’t included.

As the big day looms large, factories and offices the length of Britain prepare to close down, quite often until the New Year. By around noon or shortly after on Christmas Eve, UK workforces head to the pub for a quick drink that will invariably last four or five hours and result in one or more errant husbands scurrying to the petrol station round the corner to buy the missus chocolates or perfume because all the shops have long since shut. In point of fact the pub is probably the safest place to be on the 24^th because the city streets will be under siege from teenagers, not yet old enough to drink, armed with silly string and in the big supermarkets it’s like the coming of Armageddon.

Meanwhile, on the same day in Spain, life carries sedately on as before with not even a hint of Roy Wood or Slade to be heard anywhere as extended families gather for an immensely important afternoon and evening “Noche Buena” the highlight of which is a huge feast. After mountains of exotic starters, traditional delights on the menu might include, lomo y naranja, (pork and orange), seafood of all kinds and an Alicante speciality, “turrón” a sweet nougat made from almonds, eggs, sugar and honey. Around midnight, just as drunken young British people stumble home or queue for nightclubs, Spanish families open small gifts, before heading off in large numbers to church to celebrate mass.

Christmas Day in Britain - a tad cold, even for this super-hero

Christmas morning in the UK dawns bright and early, about five am for some unlucky parents, as excitable children tear off gift wrap, studiously ignore the expensively acquired present within and greedily go on to the next. In Spain four or five hours later, a leisurely breakfast is followed by an even more leisurely, shirt sleeved stroll through the municipal park, culminating in another coffee at one of various agreeable cafeterias, often with friends encountered along the way all out doing the same thing. In contrast, anyone foolhardy enough to risk going for a walk in dear old Blighty would be nearly invisible beneath coat, hat, gloves and a scarf because, usually, Christmas Day is the kind of frosty affair even someone as hard as Bear Grylls would find a bit parky.

They're lush, why only once a year?

Those Brits that do venture out, do so secure in the knowledge that a roaring coal fire will greet them on their return and any frost bitten fingers will be functioning as normal well before it’s time to go to the pub when it opens for two hours at twelve o’clock. With the men folk out of the way, Mum and her eldest daughter busy themselves in the kitchen preparing Christmas Dinner. A meal made bigger than any other Sunday lunch of the entire year by the addition of one-off ingredients such as turnips, swedes, and “pigs in blankets” small cocktail sausages wrapped in bacon. Just before tucking in, The Queen broadcasts her message to the nation, a message you know was recorded in June because all the flowers are in full bloom.

Timeless telly

It’s just as well the horses aren’t that popular in Spain, because as Britain settles down to watch a six race card from Kempton Park, the Spanish are hard at work again the day after Christmas because Boxing Day isn’t actually a holiday, (they’ll get their own back early in January). I guess British men consider the King George IV Chase a little present to themselves for sitting through ET or The Wizard of Oz for the umpteenth time the day before. Boxing Day evening wouldn’t be complete without a buffet tea, the highlight of which is the Dundee Cake thoughtfully gifted by Dad’s grateful boss. The whole family then enjoy the blockbuster film on ITV that SKY first aired four years ago. 

Whoops! Sorry little 'un

New Year’s Eve in Britain passes in another drunk, and for the people in London’s Trafalgar Square, wet blur. “Noche Vieja” in Spain is the night for best clothes; an evening of dining and dancing. The Iberian Peninsula then prepares to enjoy “dia de los Reyes Magos” - Three Kings Day on January 6^th. The previous evening, street processions “cabalgatas” precede an early bed for the children, who, before they turn in, leave shoes at the front door in hopeful anticipation of them being filled by yet more gifts from the visiting Kings. Last year, 2010, I tried to liven things up a little by introducing Christmas crackers for my Spanish girlfriend’s nieces and nephew.

Unfortunately, the four year old boy burst into tears at the sound of the explosion. They probably won’t catch on.